Punkin Haid goes projectile bowling

Punkin' Haid goes projectile bowling

It isn’t the OU/BCS decision that’s sent previous bowl projections into the toilet. Oregon State blew chunks, too. Now, USC is a mortal lock for the Rose Bowl (pace, Neuheisel), and so we’re left with this:

BCS National Championship

Florida vs. Oklahoma: I’m feeling really nervous about this one. Alabama has that certain something about it — a team that can impose its will on both sides of the ball and demoralize an opponent. Either way — Florida or Alabama — Oklahoma will find out what defense is all about in championship games.

Rose Bowl

USC vs. Penn State: My kingdom for a crazy upset (Missouri) and more poll lunacy (sorry, ‘Horns) to allow a USC vs. SEC matchup. If for no other reason than one of the two wacko fan bases will finally shut their collective yaps about it.

Fiesta Bowl

Texas vs. Ohio State: As much as I enjoy watching Boise State, as much as Chris Petersen has to be on the short list of the game’s best coaches, this game would be better with Ohio State.

Sugar Bowl

Alabama vs. Utah Poor Utah. It doesn’t matter who the Utes play — Alabama or Florida — they’ll be getting one ticked-off team.

Orange Bowl

Boston College vs. Cincinnati: Two teams — and two coaching staffs — that have done a magnificent job of persevering through injuries.

Other key bowls

Capital One: Georgia vs. Michigan State. There won’t be much defense, that’s for sure.

Outback: Iowa vs. South Carolina. Iowa won five of its last six, with the only loss coming by three points at Illinois. South Carolina lost its last two by a combined 87-20.

Cotton: Ole Miss vs. Texas Tech. A team that’s thrilled to be here vs. one that’s not. We all know how those games end.

Gator: Nebraska vs. Florida State. A throwback bowl between two of the nation’s storied programs trying to find their way back in a brand new world.

Chick-Fil-A: Georgia Tech vs. LSU. The Gator Bowl still could select Virginia Tech, but this would be a perfect fit for the hot Jackets.

Holiday: Missouri vs. Oregon. The Holiday covets Oklahoma State, but it will be hard to pass on the Tigers, with stars Chase Daniel and Jeremy Maclin.

Oklahoma hasn’t seen a defense like Florida’s in years. If the Sooners get past Mizzou (stop laughing!), it’ll be 2005 all over again. Otherwise, it’ll be 2003 all over again.

Speaking of Mizzou, their OC is leaving, which means Mizzou is feeling even toastier than usual this December. Oregon rolls.

The Rose Bowl = Diego Sanchez vs. Kenny Florian, only longer and more humiliating.

Playing Utah is like hitting on the ugly chick at the Junior High dance. If you win, you look stupid. If you lose, you’ll never live it down.

Sportswriters will love the The Ohio State – Texas rematch. People who actually follow sports know it’s a no contest.

We waited for this?

OK, an eight-team playoff would go like this:

  • Alabama vs. Penn State
  • Oklahoma vs. Texas Tech (rematch!)
  • Texas vs. Utah (go ugly early!)
  • Florida vs. USC (be still, my heart)

Second round, my picks give us:

  • Alabama vs. USC
  • Texas vs. OU (rematch!)

And, in the title game, I would pick Alabama to throttle OU.

Five out of those seven games would be ratings GODS, elder gods who demand blood and sacrifice. But we’ll never see them, thanks to the liberal media’s war on Saturnalia.