Has it occurred to anyone that the reason conservatives can’t agree with other conservatives about who is really a conservative is due to the fact that no one wants to be held responsible for the disasters wrought by conservatives?

Each of the three remaining, unimpressive Republican candidates represents a limb of the dismembered Reagan coalition.

  • There’s the guy who represents the Southern Theocrats, the people who entered the Republican party through the servants’ entrance and eventually forgot they didn’t live there. Plastic Jesus + “socialism” isn’t going to cut it with the party of “I’ve got mine, you can rot.”
  • Then, there’s that hollow tube of a man whom Limbaugh and Beck thought they could pour full of whatever they wanted, just like they did when they took a Connecticut trust-fund baby and got him to pretend to be a Texan and a Christian (not to mention a man). But Romney is merely living proof that Republicans have even less respect for their voters than I do, and think they’ll believe anything so long as they’re told that liberals hate it.
  • And, finally, there’s the expired timeserver who’s ridden his biography into privilege and can’t stand the theocrat yokels OR his well-heeled paymasters. He can barely sit through a meeting on all the phony horseshit that social conservatives say they believe (in between bouts of snorting meth amphetamine off of a gay prostitute’s ass).

That’s three different flavors of “no there there.” Three voids looking at each other in horror through a fun-house mirror while some woman shrieks, off-camera, in terror. Each will say that the others are not conservatives, but each of them know that the word means nothing any more. All that’s left is to invoke St. Ronnie the Ray-Gun and daydream about better times.

Id, ego, super-ego: each represents a part of the GOP that can’t stand each other any more. And so, the centrifugal forces have finally spun the white collar Republicans away from the white trash Republicans and left their empty operatives sitting there, staring into the camera, wondering what to say.

you mean … there are little, tiny people in there?

The Republicans are allergic to themselves. You would be too, if you had had everything your way for years and years, only to completely fuck up in front of the whole world. You, the essence of you-ness, would be totally radioactive. No one would want to have anything to do with you, especially you.

You betrayed the Duke. You stole his wife. You took his castle...

Now no one trusts you.

Now what do you do? Say you were wrong? Nope, wouldn’t be prudent. Pretend you didn’t fuck up? Uh, been doing that for decades. No one’s buying it any more. No, you’d sit right down and have a goddamn identity crisis, because the very thing you can’t get away from, i.e. you, sucks. You’re done, but you’re still you. You’re stuck with the suck of you.

OK, now imagine that you’re plural.

Yep, that’s where they are right now. And I’m loving it. I don’t think that this is ever getting old. Here’s Laura “jam the phone lines so they can’t report voter fraud” Ingraham reading Dobson’s political swan-song.

What scares them most of all, I think, is that this is the only place they have to go. California!

In California particularly, conservatives’ fear and loathing of moderates have been raised to new heights by McCain’s most prominent endorser, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The Governator’s proposals these days are far more likely to win the endorsement of Democrats in the state Legislature, while Republicans — furious at his policies and furious that he bypasses them to deal with the majority Democrats — scarcely consider them. In McCain, California’s insular conservatives, an embattled and shrinking minority in their own state, see a version of Arnold writ large.

Every other blogger in the leftiverse has been quoting another portion of that Meyerson piece all day, but that was the paragraph that stood out for me. As California goes, so goes the nation. And right now an actor and former rent-boy is redefining the Republican party, defining conservatism as we know it out of existence.

Somewhere up there, FDR just poured LBJ another nasty martini.